Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
