how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
