How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
