Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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