Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I deserve this hangover.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
