it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
dude. I can hear the air.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
