a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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