hell yes lets make some ravioli
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
