You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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