She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
