Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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