Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize