I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
