yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
