ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
