I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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