8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am midnight drunk by noon
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
