I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
