Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
