whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize