mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
