i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
