Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
