hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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