WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
