she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
