Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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