alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
