If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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