I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
