drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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