Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
