playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize