He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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