smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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