Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
