Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
