Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
