forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
