oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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