I don't usually arrange sex via text message
accomplished twins. life is a go
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
