On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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