you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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