Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
