That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
