I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize