he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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