we have officially lost it.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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