dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
