It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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