you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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