i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
