Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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