yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
