she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
