the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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