im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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