how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
