You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You are the jesus of drinking
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
