I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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