did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
