Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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