i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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