I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
