Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
