In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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