I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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