so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
