He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
