final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
