dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
