There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
