Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
