Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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