you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
