Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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