i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
