So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
