Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
