I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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