this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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