as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
