I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
