just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
