i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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