Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
