I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
