jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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