finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
