I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize