it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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