Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
