break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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