Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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