They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
