Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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