her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Say something about gay babies.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
