You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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